I’ve been a big fan of Brene Brown since she was featured in Dumbo Feather some time ago. Of course her 2010 TED talk is now legendary. It is one of the top 10 viewed talks of all time. I’ve read a number of her books & even had a tweet conversation! So I thought I had a little idea of what breakfast with Brene would be like.
But I was wrong.
Never has 45 minutes gone by in such a flash. As one tweeter put it – the room was alternatively roaring with laughter, then literally so quiet you could hear a pin drop. There were a couple of tears in there too.
So what is so special about Brene’s work? Firstly, it’s all science based. She is a researcher first & foremost – one who happens to have a pretty special talent for converting the data to something meaningful and accessible. As she says “maybe stories are just data with a soul”.
And then there are the stories. Those stories are my stories and, I hazard a guess, your stories too.
She talks about how vulnerability is the boarding pass to connection and that we are all hard wired for connection. She talks about vulnerability in the context of innovation and how there is no innovation without the capacity for failure – and there can be no failure without vulnerability. She talks about us squandering moments of joy – the example of the parent overwhelmed by love for their child, only to imagine the worst in the very next thought.
There’s a reason why over 10,000,000 people have viewed the TED talk. She tells our stories in a way that is both funny, and true all at the same time. In her book “Daring Greatly” she also provides wonderful insights into the effect that vulnerability (or lack thereof) can have on culture and leadership.
And she has this to say about feedback: “A Daring Greatly culture is a culture of honest, constructive and engaged feedback. This is true in organisations, schools and families. I know familes struggle with this issue; however I was shocked to see “lack of feedback” emerge as primary concern in the interviews that focused on work experiences. Today’s organisations are so metric-focussed in their evaluation of performance that giving, receiving, and soliciting valuable feedback ironically has become rare… The problem is straightforward: without feedback there can be no transformative change. When we don’t talk to the people we’re leading about their strengths and their opportunities for growth, they being to question their contribution and our commitment. Disengagement follows..”
When Brene asked why people we uncomfortable with giving feedback, two issues emerged: “We’re not comfortable with hard conversations. We don’t know how to give and receive feedback in a way that moves people and processes forward.”
She goes onto say: “.. I believe that feedback thrives in cultures where the goal is not “getting comfortable with hard conversations” but normalizing discomfort. If leaders expect real learning, critical thinking, and change, then discomfort should be normalized: “We believe growth and learning are uncomfortable so it’s going to happen here- you’re going to feel that way. We want you to know that is normal and it’s an expectation. We want you to know you are not alone and we ask that you stay open and lean into it…”
With thanks to Brene for sharing her “Engaged Feedback Checklist” available on her website.
There is so much more to share from both the talk and her books, and I will continue to do so over the next few weeks, but in the meantime, I invite you to enjoy her TED talk and to share your experiences. What have you got out of her books and talks?
