Much of the work I do with leaders and with coaching counterparts revolves around managing difficult situations and difficult people.
Sometimes, the situations that people find themselves truly are mind boggling in their complexity, and people understandably expend a lot of energy trying to work out how to manage the situation and themselves.
I was talking to one of my coaching counterparts yesterday about one such situation; so many variables, so many politics involved. It is easy to see how people really get themselves wrapped up in knots as they try and work their way through it.
In talking to her, I asked her the following questions:
- What can you control?
- What can you influence?
- If you can’t control or influence the situation, what can you do to keep yourself safe?
- If the answer to the last question is “nothing”, then what does that mean for you and the situation? What decisions can you make?
It was a simple but effective way to cut through the complexity of the issue.
Ultimately – there are many situations where the reality is that your own personal control or influence is limited at best. Understanding that as a reality allows you to make decisions around how you handle yourself going forward.
Of course this is simplistic and doesn’t always capture the complexity of the situation – but as a starting point it can cut out some of the noise and energy and emotion and bring clarity to what is otherwise a complex and crowded situation.
Control what you can control, and don’t waste energy expending time on issues that you have no control or influence over. Of course this doesn’t stop people wishing it were different but accepting the reality of a situation is the first step to being able to do something constructive with it.
Until next week, happy leading.
